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6,370 posts
msg #105448
Ignore TheRumpledOne
3/15/2012 10:46:51 AM

12,036 posts
msg #105779
Ignore johnpaulca
4/2/2012 9:14:49 AM

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Helland the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely..I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets toHell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look atthe different religions that exist in the world today.
Most Of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, thevolume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

10 posts
msg #105787
Ignore ravi
4/2/2012 10:04:20 PM

ready for a real joke,

go look at yourself naked


18 posts
msg #106004
Ignore Tripken
4/24/2012 1:51:30 PM

Subject: Voted Best Joke In Ireland

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years.

"Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come,
and the other time he fell asleep".

18 posts
msg #106005
Ignore Tripken
4/24/2012 2:37:01 PM

Mrs Brown's Dog - Misunderstanding -BBC

18 posts
msg #106627
Ignore Tripken
6/12/2012 9:31:53 PM

Old Butch

John was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten
roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached
them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by
just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence
County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell
Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards
on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting
populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

18 posts
msg #108469
Ignore Tripken
10/22/2012 7:54:47 PM

What Is Couple Sex?---

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in
the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a
question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the
question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her
all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him
with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did
you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready
in just a couple secs.

174 posts
msg #108798
Ignore ham1198
11/14/2012 8:46:43 AM

A Technical Analyst and a Fundamental Analyst are chatting about the markets in the kitchen.

Accidentally one of them knocks a kitchen knife off the table landing right in the fundamental analyst’s foot!

The fundamental analyst yells at the technician, asking him why he didn’t catch the knife?

“You know Technicians don’t catch falling knives!” , the technician responded.

He in turn asks the fundamental analyst why he didn’t move his foot out of the way?

The Fundamental analyst responds, “ I didn’t think it could go that low”.

6,370 posts
msg #109096
Ignore TheRumpledOne
12/1/2012 5:44:41 PM


A union boss walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him. He doesn't need to be an Einstein, to know that this guy is a Republican.

So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss.

So the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"'

So just to make his point one more time, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. But, as before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

Completely frustrated, the union boss asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dumb idiot does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts or what?"

"Nope," replies the bartender; "He owns the joint."

12,036 posts
msg #109109
Ignore johnpaulca
12/4/2012 9:53:10 AM

Source: Trading Advantage

Q: What’s the difference between an investor and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a house.

Q: What’s the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker?
A: A tie.

Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two … one to change the bulb, the other to sell off the old one at the highest price possible before CNBC reports that it’s burned out.

Q: What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A: A bond matures

Q. What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A. The economist is the one with the calculator.

The First Law of Economics: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist.
The Second Law of Economics: They're both wrong.

StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 22 23 24 25 26 >>Post Follow-up

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