StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 10 11 12 13 14 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up
83 posts
msg #66101
Ignore conyeuchua
8/12/2008 12:41:46 AM

Psychology of Stock Trading

Sources: Slope of Hope and Fund My Mutual Fund

202 posts
msg #69846
Ignore tomm1111
12/14/2008 12:24:13 AM

Removed by administrator in the spirit of the thread.

83 posts
msg #70269
Ignore conyeuchua
12/31/2008 4:59:40 PM


Here are Jay Leno's economic jokes for good cheers

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but
keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street
is now being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment
banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in
Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that
on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching
our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for money,
it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was
his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy
is even thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business
owners in San Antonio last week. The small business owners
are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch is that if
one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I
won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

12,036 posts
msg #70936
Ignore johnpaulca
1/25/2009 12:40:51 PM

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'

'Listen, you u don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.

'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs $10 - A lot cheaper than a doctor.'

So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits..

10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer=2 0prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

745 posts
msg #70937
Ignore maxreturn
1/25/2009 2:07:32 PM

JP...keep em coming. ROFLMAO!

485 posts
msg #71166
Ignore guru_trader
2/4/2009 3:22:30 PM

From the web ...

After 40+ years in the printing business my advice to people who have that resume ready is simple ... "A resume should be like a woman's dress, long enough to cover the subject and short enough to arouse interest."

4,745 posts
msg #71172
Ignore Eman93
2/4/2009 6:34:26 PM

My 6 year old boy told me this one..

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, he stays for 3 days and then leaves on last Friday of the month.

How is this possable?
His horse's name is Friday

83 posts
msg #71264
Ignore conyeuchua
2/8/2009 2:19:02 PM


12,036 posts
msg #71441
Ignore johnpaulca
2/13/2009 8:00:56 PM

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,

but every once in awhile, you get lucky

and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

6,370 posts
msg #71481
Ignore TheRumpledOne
2/17/2009 1:57:40 PM

Way too funny!

StockFetcher Forums · General Discussion · JOKES<< 1 ... 10 11 12 13 14 ... 26 >>Post Follow-up

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