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6,364 posts
msg #43971
Ignore TheRumpledOne
5/21/2006 10:18:36 AM

If the shoe fits...


"Doubtless criticism was originally benignant, pointing out the beauties of a work rather than its defects. The passions of men have made it malignant, as a bad heart of Procreates turned the bed, the symbol of repose, into an instrument of torture."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

2 Habits of Highly Ineffective People

By Matt Furey

Today I'm going to tell you something you've heard before. But THIS time, I promise it will be different.

There are two lousy habits that most people have - and these two habits take up quite a bit of their schedules these days. No, I'm not talking about smoking, drinking, or swearing.

I'm talking about ...

1. Criticizing others
2. Criticizing yourself

As I said, nothing new in the above. In fact, both of these are talked about by Dr. Maltz in Zero Resistance Living. Dr. Maltz talks about them in a different light, though. He tells you that you must relax physically and mentally in order to create the life that you want. Then he tells you that there are four negative habit patterns that derail you from being able to relax. The two other negative habit patterns are trying to keep up with the Joneses and not forgiving yourself or others.

For now, let's focus on that enormous waste of time and energy ... criticism of self and others.

Perhaps no one ever explained to you why these two habits turn you into an ineffective human being.

One of the reasons is because criticism increases emotional tension and stress in your mind/body.

Whenever you criticize yourself or others, a frown comes to your face, and you unconsciously begin to tense and tighten your muscles. Internally, your organs respond to the attack, too. Even when you think your attack is singular in focus - directed only toward a person you dislike, for example - your body responds as if you're attacking yourself as well.

Another reason is that criticism derails you from furthering your growth as a human being.

Some people make a living by attacking others. Most people, however, do not. There's a difference between being paid to dig up dirt on others and being the type of person who does it for FREE - and does so at the expense of his own emotional health and well-being.

Sometimes, in my e-mails and newsletters, I must give the scoop on others. That's part of my job. But I don't spend the rest of the day attacking others - or myself. I do my best to look for the good in others and what I can learn from them.

For example, I'm not fan of high-profile actors with political agendas. I used to frequently criticize and attack most of them. Not professionally. Not as part of my job. But as a major part of my day. During my personal time.

Then one day I began to think differently. I said to myself, "Why don't you stop criticizing these people and look for what you can learn from them?" At that point, I started to take note of their good points - and I found many. Looking at their good points opened a door for me. It allowed me to grow by recognizing what they do extraordinarily well.

There are many people who spend much of their time criticizing people like Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie, and Madonna, among others. I myself am the subject of much criticism on the Internet - and some years ago, I made the mistake of fighting back, going on discussion boards and squabbling with those who attacked me. That did nothing but create even more squabbling.

A turning point for me was the day a friend said, "Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk." The metaphor struck home ... and I stopped going into forums to defend myself. It's not necessary.

Now, here's the kicker: Those who have been doing the criticizing on these forums have NOT improved their lives in the least. Yet, last time I checked, those named above, myself included, have continued to grow more successful.

There's a major lesson to be learned from this.

Criticizing others may be entertaining - but if you stop to analyze what you're doing, I think you'll agree that it is a major waste of your time. It keeps you stuck. It takes your mind off what you should be doing with your life.

Get creatively alive. Get involved in doing something good. Eliminate as much criticism from your life as you can

Do your best to avoid personal attacks on yourself and others. Start observing yourself a little more closely. Take note of when you get sucked into discussions about others that are nothing more than personal attacks. And when you find yourself in such a situation, say to yourself, "Wait a minute. I'm wasting my time. Instead of attacking this person, I should be making MY life better."

If you think this way, I'm betting that you'll start coming up with ways to spend your time that will help propel you forward.

(Ed. Note: Matt Furey, along with Rich Schefren and Yanik Silver, will be revealing the most profitable "hidden" Internet income opportunities around in ETR's teleconference series, Secrets of Easy Internet Money. Whether you already have an online business or are just thinking about starting one, you'll want to hear what they have to say.)


Today's Action Plan

Think about someone who is more successful than you that you criticized in the past. But this time, instead of criticizing him, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this person that could help me live a better life? What is this person doing right that I can emulate?"

Keep an open mind ... and the answers may surprise you.

24 posts
msg #43977
Ignore defau
5/21/2006 11:24:32 AM

Bravo! TRO

12 posts
msg #44080
Ignore navyman6781
5/23/2006 8:14:51 AM

I agree 100%. Of course I bet most of the people that are stuck in this rut only read about 2 lines before they went blah,blah,blah. Shame.

485 posts
msg #44124
Ignore guru_trader
5/24/2006 2:33:50 AM

"Think about someone who is more successful than you that you criticized in the past. But this time, instead of criticizing him/her, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this person that could help me live a better life? What is this person doing right that I can emulate?"

On the other hand, you better be sure this "successful" person is not someone like Kenneth Lay or Jeffrey Skilling ... do your due diligence (DYDD). It would have been better if more people had questioned ENRON earlier on. (Note: I just watch the ENRON documentary)

1,373 posts
msg #44126
Ignore EWZuber
5/24/2006 3:55:55 AM

How does one define 'successful'? Simply by the amount of capitol they have been able to accumulate? A common misconception. Many people that are wealthy beyond our wildest dreams are absolutely miserable inside and unfulfilled, often abuse alcohol, food and sex in an attempt to fill the void and find some vestige of happieness.
The article is interesting and has certainly been expressed before in different ways. The power of positive thinking, etc.
Sometimes it is benefitial to be critical of others though, particularly if their actions are adversely and directly affecting you. You must assert your rights.
I do believe though, that what one focuses on will often bring about what you focus on.

6,364 posts
msg #44164
Ignore TheRumpledOne
5/25/2006 7:43:38 AM

Success would simply be defined as accomplishing your goal whether it's making a pile of cash, learning to play an instrument, going to a place you've always wanted to visit, programming a filter, etc.

You can be successful in one area of your life and still be working on the others.


2,824 posts
msg #44169
Ignore nikoschopen
5/25/2006 1:43:24 PM

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."

-Albert Schweitzer

1,373 posts
msg #44194
Ignore EWZuber
5/26/2006 2:10:44 AM

It may be simple but your definition was not a given in the original post.
Even defining success as "...accomplishing your goal..." is very subjective.

I love that quote! Very insightful.

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